Because Of You
by Ally-617-luv-tv
Summary: Just a short sonfic about Sara. Unless people want me to continue.Has to do with Sara's past.
1. Chapter 1

Ok, this songfic has been in my mind for like a month. It's a oneshot unless some one wants me to continue with a story after, which I doubt will happen, cause my style of writing sucks when I write it. Hey, wait, I can change my style! Maybe that'll work! Ok I'm gonna write now. Oh, and if anyone was wondering, this is to Sara's parents, and sort of in her POV. I need to vent, cause my parents are having and all adult Cinco de Mayo party, and I'm only allowed to go downstairs when I need something. One of my best friends, Kat, just left, I'm bored, my sister's at my Aunt and Uncle's house, and I'm drinking a virgin margarita. Kay, done venting.

Spoilers- Nesting Dolls (you kind of have to have either watched it, read about it, or was told about it, to get this. Also, when it says To Both, you have to think about it once for her mom, and once for her dad, because they most of the time mean different things for different people. YOU MUST THINK ABOUT IT TO REALLY UNDERSTAND IT!)

Disclaimer- I don't own it. All the lunch money in the world can't change it. sob

To Both  
I will not make the same mistakes that you did

I will not let myself

Cause my heart so much misery

To Mom  
I will not break the way you did,

You fell so hard

I've learned the hard way

To never let it get that far

To Both

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

To Mom  
Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you

I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me

To Dad  
Because of you

I am afraid

To Both  
I lose my way

And it's not too long before you point it out

To Dad  
I cannot cry

Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

I'm forced to fake

A smile, a laugh everyday of my life

My heart can't possibly break

When it wasn't even whole to start with

To Both  
Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

To Mom  
Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you

I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me

To Dad  
Because of you

I am afraid

To Dad  
I watched you die

I heard you cry every night in your sleep

To Mom  
I was so young

You should have known better than to lean on me

You never thought of anyone else

You just saw your pain

And now I cry in the middle of the night

For the same damn thing

To Both  
Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

To Mom  
Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

To Both  
Because of you

I try my hardest just to forget everything

Because of you

I don't know how to let anyone else in

Because of you

I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

Because of you

I am afraid

Because of you  
Because of you


	2. Burning

Hi, I've decided to continue because I got an idea for this chapter. Sorry that it took me so long to update, there's just been a ton of crap going on in my life. Anyway thanks to all the people who read and reviewed! I'm kinda surprised anyone actually reviewed! Huh. Well writing now, but if I go on to another chapter, it might take a while cause I'm waiting to see if my parents ground me for getting a lunch detention, which I'm hoping they don't find out about. They might if accidentally on purpose skip it, though.

Disclaimer- It pains me to say this, but I don't own CSI. Or Eric.

Sara stood by the printer in the lab, watching it spit out her letter to her parents. She heard the clicking of heels and quickly grabbed it and shoved it into her pocket, Catherine discreetly watching her. Not knowing this, Sara quickly grabbed her things and left, not even noticing Catherine staring at her.

Sara walked along, a woman on a mission. Her location: Gilbert Grissom's office. As she approached the door, she noticed her eyes had filled with tears. She blinked them away and walked in.

Grissom watched her come in, as he absently filed papers. When she spoke, her voice was masked by determination, but what she felt was a mixture of emotions. Was she worried? Was she scared? Was she hesitant? Not even she herself was sure. Every once in a while she wondered if acting would suit her better than this job. She never would go to that however, not even as a last resort. She liked closure, but no closure for other people would make her understand why her mother killed him. Why her father beat the crap out of his family for no reason.

And for this reason, she managed to get a vacation. Not a wanted one, more of an obligatory one. Two weeks. She wasn't surprised she got it, Grissom was surprised that Captain CSI Overtime would ever want a vacation. But when she did, he was happy to comply. He knew that her job stressed her out, especially with cases like the last one. Domestic Abuse cases. And the last one had a child involved, no older than she had been when her father's death had occurred. The nightmares that followed that awful case we're the worst in months.

Grissom had no way of knowing about her nightmares, but he suspected them. What other reason would drive her to work so much that when she slept, it just might be dreamless? He figured it was about her childhood. Most people on this job got nightmares, but when you've had to experience it yourself, it must be worse. Even he got nightmares, but he was sure they were nothing compared to hers. He only got the ones that showed the victims.

Most people thought Grissom had no feelings. That was untrue. In fact he had more feelings than most, but with his father, he had started to learn to conceal. With his mother being deaf, he learned completely. She knew how to detect even the smallest emotion from her son for the longest time. By the time he was old enough to have his own problems, he learned to conceal. Everything outside was "Fine, Mom". Inside was 'No, I'm not fine! I hate my life!' His concealment stuck.

Sara learned to conceal to most, but not to some. For example, one glimpse into her daughter's eyes, and Amelia could see it all. She saw what Sara herself was not sure of. She helped her mother get over the "bugman" and Sara helped her get over other teenage problems. But ever since Melia had gone to start her own life, Sara had gotten wrapped up in her past. She never even started to get over her father's death, and her mothers imprisonment, and especially not her abuse. She had been talking to Mel on the phone, and she suggesting writing to them. She heard the song Because Of You, and she just lost it. It took her five minutes to write it, and in that time, she realized she was in desperate need of a vacation. Not a wanted one, a needed one. This led her to be standing over her sink, cigarette lighter in hand, watching her letter burn to ashes.

She didn't know why she did it, nor did she know that in the lab, Catherine was staring at the second copy of the letter, so curious to know why Sara was talking about her parent to the lyrics of a Kelly Clarkson song, or that Grissom was, wonder of all wonders, string at a tarantula, looking for answers, which it refused to give.

Okay, so that's the next chapter. I have no idea where Amelia came from, and PLEASE tell me if you hate this chapter and the idea of Sara having a daughter. IF you like it, that's totally fine too. If you do like it, the next chapter will have flashback, and will explain much, much more about Amelia. Thanks sooooooooooooo much to everyone who reviewed! I've never gotten that many reviews for a story, which is very, very sad, but I've only written one! Don't give up on me!


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